So, I was in a bit of mood yesterday by the time I got home from work. I was bothered with a friend, bothered about my missing the ex, annoyed that I tried to get something done but the person I need to get it done didn't respond to any communication. Plus I have developed this "interesting" rash across my abdomen & back. Apparently only .14% of the female population in the world gets this thing. I guess I'm special. :-D Anway, I was bothered so I decided to spend my evening watching a movie and self-medicating with some Edy's Rocky Road ice cream.
My mom loaned "Facing the Giants" to me when I was in Jersey last weekend. I'd heard about the movie, but to be honest, my expectations were kinda low. As a Christian film, I knew the budget was gonna be low, thus poor acting was more a surety than a guess. At any rate, I popped in the dvd, settled into the couch, and started watching.
It was actually pretty good! I enjoyed it. I even found myself tearing up at a few points in the movie, though the storyline was sooo predictable. lol One of the parts that stuck out to me the most (I apologize now for giving away parts of the movie) was when the head coach is talking to Mr. Bridges in the hall. At one point during the conversation Mr. Bridges tells Coach Taylor about the two farmers who asked God for rain for their fields. He said something to the effect of "Only one farmer went out and prepared his field. Who do you think showed faith in God? The one who asked for the rain or the one who prepared his field?"
Sometimes we ask God to do stuff for us & we just sit tight. Our faith isn't just in believing God can do it when you ask, but in doing something as an act of faith. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Heb. 11:1 My faith that God is going to do what I've prayed and asked for requires substance - something tangible. So, I'm preparing my field for rain. I'm planning on making some life changes pretty soon & I feel like I need to show God that I believe He's able by doing something.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
On My Mind
I don't know that this is the best place for me to vent, but here I am.
I had a moment yesterday where I missed my ex - if one can call him that. Our last real conversation about us, the "breakup", has me wondering what he considered our relationship to be. Anyway, in my attempt to preserve the friendship, I email or text from time to time just to check on him. When I ask, "how are you?", I often get the response "good i miss u". Now, am I wrong for feelin some kinda way about this? I mean, he didn't have to miss me. He chose to put himself in that position by cheating, lying by omission, and showin up a year into the relationship with a newborn.
Maybe I'm trying to hold on to something that's not there. Maybe I can't handle being his friend if I'm going to get random "i miss u" text messages. Because truth be told, I miss him from time. I don't want to, but I do. And I'm annoyed that I have to miss him, that we didn't work because he didn't appreciate what he had.
I was asked the other day if I could forsee us ever getting back together....uhhh, HELL NO! It's not because I hate him now. Quite the contrary. I actually like him as a person. We started dating because we were already associates and realized a mutual attraction. He's a funny guy. He's smart. And, in general, he's a pretty good dude. I just will never trust him with my heart again. I won't allow myself to be played the fool by him for a second time. The history will always pause me & he doesn't deserve to constantly be questioned if he's changed.
So, what's a girl to do?
I had a moment yesterday where I missed my ex - if one can call him that. Our last real conversation about us, the "breakup", has me wondering what he considered our relationship to be. Anyway, in my attempt to preserve the friendship, I email or text from time to time just to check on him. When I ask, "how are you?", I often get the response "good i miss u". Now, am I wrong for feelin some kinda way about this? I mean, he didn't have to miss me. He chose to put himself in that position by cheating, lying by omission, and showin up a year into the relationship with a newborn.
Maybe I'm trying to hold on to something that's not there. Maybe I can't handle being his friend if I'm going to get random "i miss u" text messages. Because truth be told, I miss him from time. I don't want to, but I do. And I'm annoyed that I have to miss him, that we didn't work because he didn't appreciate what he had.
I was asked the other day if I could forsee us ever getting back together....uhhh, HELL NO! It's not because I hate him now. Quite the contrary. I actually like him as a person. We started dating because we were already associates and realized a mutual attraction. He's a funny guy. He's smart. And, in general, he's a pretty good dude. I just will never trust him with my heart again. I won't allow myself to be played the fool by him for a second time. The history will always pause me & he doesn't deserve to constantly be questioned if he's changed.
So, what's a girl to do?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
