On My Mind

I don't know that this is the best place for me to vent, but here I am.

I had a moment yesterday where I missed my ex - if one can call him that. Our last real conversation about us, the "breakup", has me wondering what he considered our relationship to be. Anyway, in my attempt to preserve the friendship, I email or text from time to time just to check on him. When I ask, "how are you?", I often get the response "good i miss u". Now, am I wrong for feelin some kinda way about this? I mean, he didn't have to miss me. He chose to put himself in that position by cheating, lying by omission, and showin up a year into the relationship with a newborn.

Maybe I'm trying to hold on to something that's not there. Maybe I can't handle being his friend if I'm going to get random "i miss u" text messages. Because truth be told, I miss him from time. I don't want to, but I do. And I'm annoyed that I have to miss him, that we didn't work because he didn't appreciate what he had.

I was asked the other day if I could forsee us ever getting back together....uhhh, HELL NO! It's not because I hate him now. Quite the contrary. I actually like him as a person. We started dating because we were already associates and realized a mutual attraction. He's a funny guy. He's smart. And, in general, he's a pretty good dude. I just will never trust him with my heart again. I won't allow myself to be played the fool by him for a second time. The history will always pause me & he doesn't deserve to constantly be questioned if he's changed.

So, what's a girl to do?